Eleven some years ago I boarded a flight to USA, a naive young girl, newly married and moving away from her parents for the first time ever in her life. On the leg from London to my city, an elderly British lady befriended me. I think we bonded over our common fear of the airplane restroom and the possibility of being stuck inside if the doors wouldnt open (AI used to have those heavy doors which you had to push in the middle to open, havent seen them since!).
The lady was on her way to see her grandson for the first time. When we landed and got through customs, she introduced me to her son and her grandson - a cute baby sitting in his stroller. I immediately bent down and talked to him and then did the unthinkable - touched his cheek. I can never forget the hasty pull back of the stroller by his father and the horrified annoyed look I got from him. I simply couldnt understand what it is, that I had done wrong when P explained to me that some folks dont like strangers touching their babies - especially when you have gotten off an international flight.
Now almost 11 years and 2 kids later, I can relate to that father. I dont know if being in this country has changed me or its the whole motherhood quotient or I have grown wiser and know the ways of the world or whatever.....I might also cringe if a complete stranger holds my baby at the airport - fresh off an international flight, maybe, might not but the possibility is there :)
I remember being amused when my school friend visited and he kissed R over and over again, unabashedly like a doting Uncle would to his favorite niece. Is it this country? Or is it me? Or is it because you are forced to grow up when you leave home and the comfort of your family and friends and have to set up your life and start all over again in new unfamiliar surroundings? Does that make you hesitant to display emotions, teach you to be more guarded, teach you to protect yourself from not displaying either extreme happiness or sadness? I dont know...
For now, I wanted to remember this incident as one of my distant acquaintances visits - a niece of my neighbor's in India. She is newly married and recently moved here. Is visiting my city during this long weekend and suddenly called me up this week to say she would like to come over. Called me twice during the day when I was sleeping and then feeding baby S and couldnt get to the phone, the third time she left an angry message saying "I cant reach you, just send me your address so I can come over". First of all I am not even pally pally with this female, secondly I have a month old infant, maybe some understanding if I dont return your call asap, atleast give me 4 hours from your last call and thirdly its the long weekend, could you please ask us if we have any plans, family visiting to see the baby etc and we might have some preferences on when we would like her to visit. Anyways I did talk nicely to her and have invited her for dinner today but it made me think.
Is it being a new mother all over again and I am tired and sleep deprived and dont have the enthu to entertain non friends, non relatives - I dont even know what category she falls into...Have I changed that now I expect people to give me formal notice of when they will visit? Actually as I type this, I realise, its not that....even in India you would call someone if you have driven 6 hours to visit their city and will drive another 45 minutes to go see them, wouldnt you want to make sure they are home and available to entertain? Especially if they have an infant at home....
Anyways....open your mind S and be more understanding, a little more patient and a bit more welcoming and give her the benefit of doubt. And when the clock chimes ten, excuse yourself and go to bed..
Edited to add: They did visit and were very sweet. She is rough around the edges but he is very very nice! I was glad we had put together a nice dinner and were available to chat nicely. They also left at ten when I had already started yawning....Have resolved to be more friendlier and welcoming to new acquaintances..
Showing posts with label General. Show all posts
Showing posts with label General. Show all posts
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Updates and updates
1) I had my 20 week ultrasound appointment yesterday and we told the doctor we didnt want to know the sex of the baby so zip it. It was soooooooooooo cute to watch the baby. He/she is very active, he/she kicked the ultrasound scanner when the doctor pressed it on my tummy, maybe the baby thought it was a game and participation was required :)
2) I gained weight and am at 157 pounds now. At this rate I will surely be 170 by the time I deliver. Then its just a matter of losing 60 pounds over next year to get back to pre pre pre pregnancy weight (pre this pregnancy, pre last miscarried pregnancy, pre pregnancy with R). Is it too much of a lofty goal?
3) Our darling neighbors had another party and their yard was full of teenage boys and girls living it up. We moved to the guest bedroom in anticipation of another restless night. But at 10.45 PM, it was pin drop silence. The party had broken up and everyone had gone home. They are so nice! Or maybe many neighbors complained after their last party and they were shamed into behaving...
4) I am so tired everyday and my boss still hasnt told our group our fate, our company is going through an internal reorganization and everyone was supposed to know where they stand. Some days I feel like I wont even feel bad if I am let go, I will immediately gather my things and go home and take a nap. But just tell me already, I hate the suspense!
5) Thats it.........too tired to type.......when will it be five o clock?
2) I gained weight and am at 157 pounds now. At this rate I will surely be 170 by the time I deliver. Then its just a matter of losing 60 pounds over next year to get back to pre pre pre pregnancy weight (pre this pregnancy, pre last miscarried pregnancy, pre pregnancy with R). Is it too much of a lofty goal?
3) Our darling neighbors had another party and their yard was full of teenage boys and girls living it up. We moved to the guest bedroom in anticipation of another restless night. But at 10.45 PM, it was pin drop silence. The party had broken up and everyone had gone home. They are so nice! Or maybe many neighbors complained after their last party and they were shamed into behaving...
4) I am so tired everyday and my boss still hasnt told our group our fate, our company is going through an internal reorganization and everyone was supposed to know where they stand. Some days I feel like I wont even feel bad if I am let go, I will immediately gather my things and go home and take a nap. But just tell me already, I hate the suspense!
5) Thats it.........too tired to type.......when will it be five o clock?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Love thy neighbor...
Saturday night, our neighbors had a party. Their guests were chatting around a fire in the backyard late into the night. Yes, its all fine and dandy and Oh so much fun but there were one a beer too many and the chatting wasnt exactly chatting with interspersed break out of laughter. It was LOUD talking and laughing! And it went on till about three thirty in the morning.
It was such a warm night, not exactly requiring an AC but a "throw the windows open and sleep" kinda night and No, we couldnt do that. Because then the noise was even louder as they sat right outside our bedroom window. I seriously have no patience for this kind of a thing now, Yes, you can stay up all night chatting but move it inside the house for Gods sake! Is there such a thing as courtesy for your neighbors. Our other neighbor had called the cops on them to break up their party last time. So anyways so at three, I marched downstairs and put the kitchen lights on and glared at them through my windows and when one of them waved back, I did my best "Angry model on the catwalk" walk and made myself a snack and went back to bed. The noise quieted down (thankfully) after and P and I fell asleep finally!
I am officially old at the age of 33. I can no longer sleep through everything, there was a time when I slept through earthquakes, other people's babies crying, TV on loud and what not. Now I need an excuse to toss restlessly at night. Maybe its because I am pregnant...
Anyways I was determined to tell her off the next morning. On Sunday morning I was gardening in my backyard and out she came. I had a severe attack of Chickenatitis and I pretended not to see her and retreated to my front yard. P is clearly the brave one in our family, he stood his ground and merrily watered the flowers and chatted with her and when asked if they disturbed us last night, said "Yes, we were up most of the night, S couldnt sleep and was miserable and could they please try to be more understanding next time". She sent over a plant to me as a peace offering :)
Alls forgiven with the bribe now :) They have another party coming up in two weeks and hopefully they will behave. Or we will just have to crash their party and partake some of the beer.
It was such a warm night, not exactly requiring an AC but a "throw the windows open and sleep" kinda night and No, we couldnt do that. Because then the noise was even louder as they sat right outside our bedroom window. I seriously have no patience for this kind of a thing now, Yes, you can stay up all night chatting but move it inside the house for Gods sake! Is there such a thing as courtesy for your neighbors. Our other neighbor had called the cops on them to break up their party last time. So anyways so at three, I marched downstairs and put the kitchen lights on and glared at them through my windows and when one of them waved back, I did my best "Angry model on the catwalk" walk and made myself a snack and went back to bed. The noise quieted down (thankfully) after and P and I fell asleep finally!
I am officially old at the age of 33. I can no longer sleep through everything, there was a time when I slept through earthquakes, other people's babies crying, TV on loud and what not. Now I need an excuse to toss restlessly at night. Maybe its because I am pregnant...
Anyways I was determined to tell her off the next morning. On Sunday morning I was gardening in my backyard and out she came. I had a severe attack of Chickenatitis and I pretended not to see her and retreated to my front yard. P is clearly the brave one in our family, he stood his ground and merrily watered the flowers and chatted with her and when asked if they disturbed us last night, said "Yes, we were up most of the night, S couldnt sleep and was miserable and could they please try to be more understanding next time". She sent over a plant to me as a peace offering :)
Alls forgiven with the bribe now :) They have another party coming up in two weeks and hopefully they will behave. Or we will just have to crash their party and partake some of the beer.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Stress, Nightmare and J Lahiri
I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday and stressed about many things - Will a nanny be negligent and kill my poor infant baby, Should I quit my job and stay home till the baby grows up, Will I be laid off soon and not have to make that decision myself?, I dont want to stop working, who will give me a job when I am ready to enter the workforce again, Will R adjust to her new preschool, Will my baby be healthy and the rest of my pregnancy smooth? After all these unproductive worries, I woke up P and he sleepily murmured some comforting words and solutions and I finally could sleep again.
Then I had a nightmare. I was dead, P had remarried to a girl much younger than me, my bhoot (ghost) was watching their conversation, she was asking P if she could take my sarees. I screamed No...Wth, where did this come from? Then I remembered this is inspired from Jhumpa Lahiri's book that I had just finished reading - Unaccustomed Earth. In one of the stories, a boy's mother passes away and his Dad remarries etc and he is uncomfortable to see another woman in her mother's domain etc...All of Jhumpa Lahiri's books end on depressing notes. Even though I like them, I cant completely identify, because neither have I moved here thirty years ago to identify with the older immigrant ladies in the story nor have I been brought up in the US to identify with the kids. But they are interesting reads anyways...
P found my nightmare very entertaining; he said your biggest concern if you were dead and I had a new wife is your sarees? And I am not even really attached to my sarees or my shoes or my purses or my clothes :) Except when someone wants to borrow them, someone who is not from my inner circle of trust and love ;)
No real point to this post...
Then I had a nightmare. I was dead, P had remarried to a girl much younger than me, my bhoot (ghost) was watching their conversation, she was asking P if she could take my sarees. I screamed No...Wth, where did this come from? Then I remembered this is inspired from Jhumpa Lahiri's book that I had just finished reading - Unaccustomed Earth. In one of the stories, a boy's mother passes away and his Dad remarries etc and he is uncomfortable to see another woman in her mother's domain etc...All of Jhumpa Lahiri's books end on depressing notes. Even though I like them, I cant completely identify, because neither have I moved here thirty years ago to identify with the older immigrant ladies in the story nor have I been brought up in the US to identify with the kids. But they are interesting reads anyways...
P found my nightmare very entertaining; he said your biggest concern if you were dead and I had a new wife is your sarees? And I am not even really attached to my sarees or my shoes or my purses or my clothes :) Except when someone wants to borrow them, someone who is not from my inner circle of trust and love ;)
No real point to this post...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Life throws a curveball
Tickets to India - check
Friends and family notified and everyone in the world excited - check
Good seats, good airline - check
3 weeks vacation sanctioned - check
Shopping complete, bags half packed, racked brains for surprises to open on plane to entertain R - check, check, check
Daydreaming begun - check
Plans to eat this, shop that, meet so and so - check
Obgyn appointment before leaving - check
And then.................
Ob Gyn absolutely forbids me to travel during first trimester :((((((((((
I met with her yesterday and she is damn serious about travelling, she just put her foot down and said No. I was SO crushed!! I kept telling her, but I was supposed to leave in a week, I have bought gifts, my whole family is excited and what not.......pleading like a little girl for a toy or to go to a sleep over and she firmly said - Are you going for a wedding or becoz some one is sick? Then why do you want to take this big risk and travel! Go after Dec so and so, I wont stop you....It makes logical sense but not emotional sense.
I was already in India mentally - everytime I book India tickets, I reach India mentally 2 weeks before my actual physical departure date. Why cant everything be smooth and perfect :(((
Now I am arguing with my ticket agent to get my tickets refunded without penalty (the doctor has given me a note medically forbidding me to travel). I have to make up some reason to tell my boss for cancelling my much awaited vacation. I am in the process of being offered a full time opportunity within my company and I am not sure I want my new boss to know about my early pregnancy, am not sure if she will change her mind and make excuses about my promotion. She was going to pull strings to get me into her group :((
I was 143 pounds the day before I delivered R; 3 years later, I am 141 pounds right now at 2 months pregnancy!!!!! The skinny fit me got gestational diabetes to the surprise of everyone during my first pregnancy, is there even any doubt that I will not get it now :(
I was so looking forward to going to my parents place from the airport directly and spending the bulk of my time with them (justified becoz we spent many many months with the inlaws this year). My husband keeps saying lets all try to go around the end of this year but then I lose out on that quiet uninhibited stay at my parents :((
One minute you think you have all your ducks in a row and the next they are all floating away in thousand directions :(
I know people are facing much much worse problems than this and at the end of the day, I do have some great things working out for me - I am pregnant and I am being offered a new job and that too being invited to join the group. I should look at the sunny side of things and hope that I do get to go to India soon!
Friends and family notified and everyone in the world excited - check
Good seats, good airline - check
3 weeks vacation sanctioned - check
Shopping complete, bags half packed, racked brains for surprises to open on plane to entertain R - check, check, check
Daydreaming begun - check
Plans to eat this, shop that, meet so and so - check
Obgyn appointment before leaving - check
And then.................
Ob Gyn absolutely forbids me to travel during first trimester :((((((((((
I met with her yesterday and she is damn serious about travelling, she just put her foot down and said No. I was SO crushed!! I kept telling her, but I was supposed to leave in a week, I have bought gifts, my whole family is excited and what not.......pleading like a little girl for a toy or to go to a sleep over and she firmly said - Are you going for a wedding or becoz some one is sick? Then why do you want to take this big risk and travel! Go after Dec so and so, I wont stop you....It makes logical sense but not emotional sense.
I was already in India mentally - everytime I book India tickets, I reach India mentally 2 weeks before my actual physical departure date. Why cant everything be smooth and perfect :(((
Now I am arguing with my ticket agent to get my tickets refunded without penalty (the doctor has given me a note medically forbidding me to travel). I have to make up some reason to tell my boss for cancelling my much awaited vacation. I am in the process of being offered a full time opportunity within my company and I am not sure I want my new boss to know about my early pregnancy, am not sure if she will change her mind and make excuses about my promotion. She was going to pull strings to get me into her group :((
I was 143 pounds the day before I delivered R; 3 years later, I am 141 pounds right now at 2 months pregnancy!!!!! The skinny fit me got gestational diabetes to the surprise of everyone during my first pregnancy, is there even any doubt that I will not get it now :(
I was so looking forward to going to my parents place from the airport directly and spending the bulk of my time with them (justified becoz we spent many many months with the inlaws this year). My husband keeps saying lets all try to go around the end of this year but then I lose out on that quiet uninhibited stay at my parents :((
One minute you think you have all your ducks in a row and the next they are all floating away in thousand directions :(
I know people are facing much much worse problems than this and at the end of the day, I do have some great things working out for me - I am pregnant and I am being offered a new job and that too being invited to join the group. I should look at the sunny side of things and hope that I do get to go to India soon!
Monday, October 5, 2009
How How How...
How is it that just minutes after I have given my toddler a lecture on why she shouldn’t be waking up in the wee hours of the morning to drink milk, I am immediately starving and think about going downstairs for a little snack?
How is it that my boss wants every deliverable completed asap always (no matter how many I am working on) and she won’t extend my hours or increase my pay?
How is it that I need to go “above and beyond” both at work and at home with no expectation of anything in return?
How is it that I am reading the Ramaraksha for my baby to sleep calmly and peacefully and all through it, I yell at her at least once or twice to stop monkeying around and lie down and close her eyes?
How is it that it doesn’t feel good when my husband agrees with me on issues with his parents and I end up feeling bad for him and wishing I had never brought up the topic?
How is it that some people wish for a daughter like me while the one who has me wishes I were some one else’s daughter in law?
How is it that people have so many good things in their life and choose to only focus and obsess on the negatives?
How is it that my boss wants every deliverable completed asap always (no matter how many I am working on) and she won’t extend my hours or increase my pay?
How is it that I need to go “above and beyond” both at work and at home with no expectation of anything in return?
How is it that I am reading the Ramaraksha for my baby to sleep calmly and peacefully and all through it, I yell at her at least once or twice to stop monkeying around and lie down and close her eyes?
How is it that it doesn’t feel good when my husband agrees with me on issues with his parents and I end up feeling bad for him and wishing I had never brought up the topic?
How is it that some people wish for a daughter like me while the one who has me wishes I were some one else’s daughter in law?
How is it that people have so many good things in their life and choose to only focus and obsess on the negatives?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Random
1) Snobby girl who ignored me during volleyball is at it again. Unfortunately we got paired up for a volunteering event and before I could walk over and request a different partner, she had switched me before me. War is on babe!
2) I am going to India!!!! Tickets are booked, daydreaming and actual dreaming at night (Yes, I have India dreams every night now!!) has commenced.....am counting down the days!!
3) Renewed relationship with mother in law. Distant yet respectful and (gasp) affectionate one.
4) Blog is making me anti social, feel like posting updates on blog than sending emails to family.
5) Looking forward to meeting in person my gay best friend who came out to me over phone.
6)............will stop here and write a nice email to family.
2) I am going to India!!!! Tickets are booked, daydreaming and actual dreaming at night (Yes, I have India dreams every night now!!) has commenced.....am counting down the days!!
3) Renewed relationship with mother in law. Distant yet respectful and (gasp) affectionate one.
4) Blog is making me anti social, feel like posting updates on blog than sending emails to family.
5) Looking forward to meeting in person my gay best friend who came out to me over phone.
6)............will stop here and write a nice email to family.
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