A smile is harder than a sad face...

Yeah staying cheerful is hard work on some days. I had to go back to work for a bit again and it again depressed me. I think if I had a job lined up already, I wouldnt feel this way. I went to the gym and was depressed looking at the others. I felt like I was the only fat slob in town. I half heartedly worked out for a little bit and came home. My heart isnt in anything. I want to go out, when I go out, I want to go home. I want to be with my baby, I want to work. I want to be fit, I dont want to work out. I want my Mommy :( I dont want to go to India. Maybe sulking for some time will help, only if it doesnt lead to more self pity....

Oh yay, I feel so much better already.....for the two people who read my blog and others, please ignore this post. I can only call up my friends and family so many times to vent in person. Pretty soon they will be enormously bored with my constant whining. My blog and my laptop cannot complain so here is my space to whine :)

Hope all of you are having a better day!

Job search woes

Anyone who has searched for a job before knows that a job search is a job in itself!! My company has paid for a two month subscription to this outplacement agency and I connected with them and am bombarded with seminars and a consultant who expects me to follow the "ideal" list of things to do. I am sitting at my desk, listening to this 2 hour seminar on how to look for a job, baby S is crying downstairs, and I am getting more and more frustrated. And my job search hasnt even begun.

Finally I hang up in the middle of the seminar and am going to take matters in my own hands :) I had been offered a role in my old company but at a location which is a 45 minute one way drive on a very good day. Most days are bad days in the winter and this commute will easily turn into a one and a half hour drive. In addition, the job profile is something that I am tired of and would prefer to stay away from. After a lot of heartache, I said No. I still panic and reach for the phone to call them and say "I made a mistake, I will take that job" :( I think sometimes looking for a new job and being unemployed is more scary and painful than staying in a boring job.

Anyhow, to stay positive and smiling, I have joined my gym where I havent really been yet, except to register and pay the enrollment fees :( In my defense, we had a huge snowstorm here which shut down everything for a couple of days and R got sick and so went my week. Baby S's nanny is very worried about my job situation. She asks me alternate day - koi interview call aaya? which freaks me out even more. Sigh!

Well once again, to remind myself of not panicking, of not falling into that downward spiral of fear and depression, S, deep breaths, you will get a good job, you will get a good job soon soon soon.....Do not worry about the future, do not worry about hypothetical situations, do not worry about the ifs and buts. Focus on the present, kiss baby S, play with R, do both with P ;) and do some job search in between and things will sort out by themselves. They always do.......but enjoy the ride this time instead of tears and frustration :)

Now to practise what I preached myself.....