Tickets to India - check
Friends and family notified and everyone in the world excited - check
Good seats, good airline - check
3 weeks vacation sanctioned - check
Shopping complete, bags half packed, racked brains for surprises to open on plane to entertain R - check, check, check
Daydreaming begun - check
Plans to eat this, shop that, meet so and so - check
Obgyn appointment before leaving - check
And then.................
Ob Gyn absolutely forbids me to travel during first trimester :((((((((((
I met with her yesterday and she is damn serious about travelling, she just put her foot down and said No. I was SO crushed!! I kept telling her, but I was supposed to leave in a week, I have bought gifts, my whole family is excited and what not.......pleading like a little girl for a toy or to go to a sleep over and she firmly said - Are you going for a wedding or becoz some one is sick? Then why do you want to take this big risk and travel! Go after Dec so and so, I wont stop you....It makes logical sense but not emotional sense.
I was already in India mentally - everytime I book India tickets, I reach India mentally 2 weeks before my actual physical departure date. Why cant everything be smooth and perfect :(((
Now I am arguing with my ticket agent to get my tickets refunded without penalty (the doctor has given me a note medically forbidding me to travel). I have to make up some reason to tell my boss for cancelling my much awaited vacation. I am in the process of being offered a full time opportunity within my company and I am not sure I want my new boss to know about my early pregnancy, am not sure if she will change her mind and make excuses about my promotion. She was going to pull strings to get me into her group :((
I was 143 pounds the day before I delivered R; 3 years later, I am 141 pounds right now at 2 months pregnancy!!!!! The skinny fit me got gestational diabetes to the surprise of everyone during my first pregnancy, is there even any doubt that I will not get it now :(
I was so looking forward to going to my parents place from the airport directly and spending the bulk of my time with them (justified becoz we spent many many months with the inlaws this year). My husband keeps saying lets all try to go around the end of this year but then I lose out on that quiet uninhibited stay at my parents :((
One minute you think you have all your ducks in a row and the next they are all floating away in thousand directions :(
I know people are facing much much worse problems than this and at the end of the day, I do have some great things working out for me - I am pregnant and I am being offered a new job and that too being invited to join the group. I should look at the sunny side of things and hope that I do get to go to India soon!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wake up call
So today I had a chat with my boss. Basically she told me that I don’t care about my job anymore and it shows. Even as I type this, I realize my arrogance and ridiculous attitude. I am behaving like a spoilt child who doesn’t get his favorite toy. Because the next step in my career is no longer very clear to me, I have stopped caring about my current step. I realize my immaturity. Hasn’t someone said no job is insignificant? I should take pride in my work not think about where my single colleagues have reached and lament over the difference in responsibilities, titles and grade levels. They have their priorities, I have my own. I have a beautiful child, another on the way, a loving husband and a beautiful home. I am super lucky to have the ability to manage my work life wonderfully. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I need to take a reality check of the situation. This is a wake up call for me. I asked her if she would put me in the lowest performance ranking and she said No. That is a close warning for me. I do not want to be laid off and sit at home, that’s not me. I want to be out here working outside the house and getting somewhere with my professional life over the next 5-10-15 years and Oh yes, I would love to spend time with my family and run my house too in the same time. I have that chance now, and I have a new chance to change myself…So I will step it up from right now.
1) Be patient and do a great job in your current role
2) Do not get depressed about the lack of opportunities and where your career is headed
3) Many senior leaders have said that their career wasn’t always planned but opportunities kept coming up and they grabbed them
4) Focus on your current job, go above and beyond and do a great job and recognition and opportunities will follow
5) Time spent with your kids and husband and home is priceless and nothing can compare to the satisfaction and fulfillment you receive through doing a good job there.
1) Be patient and do a great job in your current role
2) Do not get depressed about the lack of opportunities and where your career is headed
3) Many senior leaders have said that their career wasn’t always planned but opportunities kept coming up and they grabbed them
4) Focus on your current job, go above and beyond and do a great job and recognition and opportunities will follow
5) Time spent with your kids and husband and home is priceless and nothing can compare to the satisfaction and fulfillment you receive through doing a good job there.
Monday, October 12, 2009
A Runner's high without running
So yesterday I pried my eyes open (sleep hangover from partying out on Saturday) and boarded the 6 AM train to the city. The train was surprisingly packed, with enthusiastic family members and friends and volunteers on their way to cheer their loved ones running in the marathon. As I walked out of the station, I was astonished to see the crowds lined up by the streets to see the runners! Its an amazing emotion when so many people come together to celebrate a common event. I stood with hundreds as the elite runners zoomed past...For a second I thought I had just imagined them running as they sped by so fast!! I dont know how some one can run 26.2 miles in 2 hours 5 minutes, its ridiculously unbelievable, especially when I wasnt even done running my half marathon in that time.
Before the elite runners the wheel chair athletes went by. I literally choked and couldnt hold back my tears. The awesome men and women, who could so easily have sat around and felt sorry for themselves, but instead they were here, in freezing temperatures, participating in the Chicago marathon. I felt ashamed of standing on my two feet stressing over stupid things in life. Clearly we do not stop and think about what we have as opposed to what we don't.
The volunteering bit was good too, it was my first experience at volunteering for an event and I walked away with 2 thoughts. I have to establish boundaries, if I wanted to help out for X hours and then head back home, then I should stick to it, make it clear from the upfront and not regret later on being sucked into helping out more and more; there is no limit to how much you can do. Also secondly when you are volunteering you do not think about returns on investment, you do not think about appreciation or whether someone will credit you for what you did. You just do it. In a way you do do it for yourself, to give a sense of satisfaction for having done something for someone else completely selflessly. Thats a good feeling to have.
There was also a 69 year old man who successfully finished the marathon!! Amazing people, inspirational stories, I walked away from my day with a high; a runner's high without running...
Before the elite runners the wheel chair athletes went by. I literally choked and couldnt hold back my tears. The awesome men and women, who could so easily have sat around and felt sorry for themselves, but instead they were here, in freezing temperatures, participating in the Chicago marathon. I felt ashamed of standing on my two feet stressing over stupid things in life. Clearly we do not stop and think about what we have as opposed to what we don't.
The volunteering bit was good too, it was my first experience at volunteering for an event and I walked away with 2 thoughts. I have to establish boundaries, if I wanted to help out for X hours and then head back home, then I should stick to it, make it clear from the upfront and not regret later on being sucked into helping out more and more; there is no limit to how much you can do. Also secondly when you are volunteering you do not think about returns on investment, you do not think about appreciation or whether someone will credit you for what you did. You just do it. In a way you do do it for yourself, to give a sense of satisfaction for having done something for someone else completely selflessly. Thats a good feeling to have.
There was also a 69 year old man who successfully finished the marathon!! Amazing people, inspirational stories, I walked away from my day with a high; a runner's high without running...
Monday, October 5, 2009
How How How...
How is it that just minutes after I have given my toddler a lecture on why she shouldn’t be waking up in the wee hours of the morning to drink milk, I am immediately starving and think about going downstairs for a little snack?
How is it that my boss wants every deliverable completed asap always (no matter how many I am working on) and she won’t extend my hours or increase my pay?
How is it that I need to go “above and beyond” both at work and at home with no expectation of anything in return?
How is it that I am reading the Ramaraksha for my baby to sleep calmly and peacefully and all through it, I yell at her at least once or twice to stop monkeying around and lie down and close her eyes?
How is it that it doesn’t feel good when my husband agrees with me on issues with his parents and I end up feeling bad for him and wishing I had never brought up the topic?
How is it that some people wish for a daughter like me while the one who has me wishes I were some one else’s daughter in law?
How is it that people have so many good things in their life and choose to only focus and obsess on the negatives?
How is it that my boss wants every deliverable completed asap always (no matter how many I am working on) and she won’t extend my hours or increase my pay?
How is it that I need to go “above and beyond” both at work and at home with no expectation of anything in return?
How is it that I am reading the Ramaraksha for my baby to sleep calmly and peacefully and all through it, I yell at her at least once or twice to stop monkeying around and lie down and close her eyes?
How is it that it doesn’t feel good when my husband agrees with me on issues with his parents and I end up feeling bad for him and wishing I had never brought up the topic?
How is it that some people wish for a daughter like me while the one who has me wishes I were some one else’s daughter in law?
How is it that people have so many good things in their life and choose to only focus and obsess on the negatives?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Life is precious
My boss's mother always told her that old age exposes your true self. So you need to work on yourself right now to ensure that you are a good person when you are old and senile :)
I so agree. I look at the old people I have been in contact with all my life; my maternal Grandma and her siblings are all proud, independent and strong people. My Grandma has always looked back at her life with happiness and always said that she lived a good and peaceful life. She has always been a rock, a beacon, a lighthouse for our family and till the end she fortunately didnt have to rely on anyone, she lived in her own house till the end and it was a peaceful haven for all of us grandkids and her children to go to.One of my aunt’s husbands was an expert chess player and an author of many books on abolishing superstitions. He should have been one for superstition, his life was fraught with tragedy, losing two wives and two sons in laws; but he contributed so much to the Abolishment of superstitious beliefs mission in Pune.
Even now, I look at my parents – my dad, who is retired and can really sit back and relax but doesn’t want to, because he loves to teach and is a consulting professor. My Baba who is hard of hearing, angioplasty done, an iron rod in his leg supporting an old accident wound, asthmatic and getting old but he still wakes up at the crack of dawn, prepares material, pores over new study material, prepares courses, grades exam papers and goes out and teaches and loves what he does. My mom has kept herself busy with her swimming, throw ball and her circle of friends with travel and cultural activities. They miss us kids but they are happy and satisfied in their lives.
I feel like happiness is within us, the day you start depending on someone else to make you happy constantly, that’s the day you are destined to be unhappy forever. Yes, I understand you need the basic requirement of your family being nice to you, being able to depend on them to some extent, being there for you and all that. But beyond that you need to form your own lives. And it becomes even more blatantly clear as one grows older.
My mother who was a stay at home all her life always always tells me and my sister to maintain our professional career and feels that our kids will be proud of us for what we do. We are proud of what our mother did for us but I think what she is trying to tell us here is that make something of yourself, have your own identity and your kids will love and respect you for that.
Now that I am faced with an unhappy dissatisfied bored person on a daily basis, I swear to myself that I will never be in that position ever. I will learn something new/read something new/ every year and develop hobbies and my own interests and lead my life peacefully happily and gratefully.
I so agree. I look at the old people I have been in contact with all my life; my maternal Grandma and her siblings are all proud, independent and strong people. My Grandma has always looked back at her life with happiness and always said that she lived a good and peaceful life. She has always been a rock, a beacon, a lighthouse for our family and till the end she fortunately didnt have to rely on anyone, she lived in her own house till the end and it was a peaceful haven for all of us grandkids and her children to go to.One of my aunt’s husbands was an expert chess player and an author of many books on abolishing superstitions. He should have been one for superstition, his life was fraught with tragedy, losing two wives and two sons in laws; but he contributed so much to the Abolishment of superstitious beliefs mission in Pune.
Even now, I look at my parents – my dad, who is retired and can really sit back and relax but doesn’t want to, because he loves to teach and is a consulting professor. My Baba who is hard of hearing, angioplasty done, an iron rod in his leg supporting an old accident wound, asthmatic and getting old but he still wakes up at the crack of dawn, prepares material, pores over new study material, prepares courses, grades exam papers and goes out and teaches and loves what he does. My mom has kept herself busy with her swimming, throw ball and her circle of friends with travel and cultural activities. They miss us kids but they are happy and satisfied in their lives.
I feel like happiness is within us, the day you start depending on someone else to make you happy constantly, that’s the day you are destined to be unhappy forever. Yes, I understand you need the basic requirement of your family being nice to you, being able to depend on them to some extent, being there for you and all that. But beyond that you need to form your own lives. And it becomes even more blatantly clear as one grows older.
My mother who was a stay at home all her life always always tells me and my sister to maintain our professional career and feels that our kids will be proud of us for what we do. We are proud of what our mother did for us but I think what she is trying to tell us here is that make something of yourself, have your own identity and your kids will love and respect you for that.
Now that I am faced with an unhappy dissatisfied bored person on a daily basis, I swear to myself that I will never be in that position ever. I will learn something new/read something new/ every year and develop hobbies and my own interests and lead my life peacefully happily and gratefully.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Being religious is uncool?
My Uncle and Aunt are long time Swadhyayis. They go on this “Bhavferi” to visit homes of Indian families and to give them information on Swadhyaya and to enlist new people to join this mission. They look like your typical short sweet smiling Indian Aunty Uncle. This time they visited couples in the 30-40 age group, Mami said that she saw one thing common everywhere, huge houses, both the husband-wife pair with professional qualifications and stressful jobs and an impatience towards everything. At a few houses, they weren’t even invited inside and were standing out on the doorstep on the cold dreary day. Mami thinks that the nicer people are in apartments and smaller homes. The bigger the home; the snobbier the attitude, and intolerance towards other people. I had written a similar blog post on this long back. I would like to think that if four older desis had turned up on my doorstep, I would at least have done the courtesy of inviting them inside; especially when you can very well tell that they are decent people.
Anyways that brings me to my next question – we have a huge group of friends and while most of them do the occasional Satyanarayan pooja and what not, no one does anything related to religion on a regular basis. Culture is limited to the Diwali parties and the Ganapati parties and dressing up and potluck dinners. Cultural events are tweaked for convenience and pampering of oneself. I am sure this is not the universal truth and it so happens that all my friends (and me) are like that. I don’t claim to be an expert on our Indian religious verses and scriptures but of late I have developed a healthy curiosity to know more about everything that has been written – I like reciting prayers for my baby at bedtime and she loves it too and demands prayers every night. I do think that we all try to do the best we can given our job pressures and family demands so it’s just an indication of changing times I guess. As my Aai tells me, even in India, with nuclear families on the rise, very few families actually make all the sweets and chatpata snacks for Diwali and mostly everyone buys it from the various stores who provide authentic snacks and mithais.
While attending a U2 concert is extremely cool, going to a Gnyaneshwari discussion is considered very boring. Why is that, I ask? Can you not do both? Do we have to fit into one kind of an image or the other? I would love for my baby to grow up with her belly button pierced and a fit body and wear the most awesomest coolest clothes and then sit down and recite the entire Ramraksha in one go and to be able to talk about India’s history, culture and religion with ease. I would like to be that too!! Yes Yes I want to have my belly button pierced one day – post babies and when my tummy is flat like an iron board :) Anyways I am rambling and rambling…………what I feel at the end of the day is – this life is so precious, there are so many things in life of which we are completely ignorant of, instead of wasting this valuable time that we have, why don’t we all try to learn something new, read something new, help someone new and when we look back at our life ten, twenty, fifty, seventy years from now, be insanely proud of how we have lived it?
Now I need to practice what I preach so I will stop here and work :)
Anyways that brings me to my next question – we have a huge group of friends and while most of them do the occasional Satyanarayan pooja and what not, no one does anything related to religion on a regular basis. Culture is limited to the Diwali parties and the Ganapati parties and dressing up and potluck dinners. Cultural events are tweaked for convenience and pampering of oneself. I am sure this is not the universal truth and it so happens that all my friends (and me) are like that. I don’t claim to be an expert on our Indian religious verses and scriptures but of late I have developed a healthy curiosity to know more about everything that has been written – I like reciting prayers for my baby at bedtime and she loves it too and demands prayers every night. I do think that we all try to do the best we can given our job pressures and family demands so it’s just an indication of changing times I guess. As my Aai tells me, even in India, with nuclear families on the rise, very few families actually make all the sweets and chatpata snacks for Diwali and mostly everyone buys it from the various stores who provide authentic snacks and mithais.
While attending a U2 concert is extremely cool, going to a Gnyaneshwari discussion is considered very boring. Why is that, I ask? Can you not do both? Do we have to fit into one kind of an image or the other? I would love for my baby to grow up with her belly button pierced and a fit body and wear the most awesomest coolest clothes and then sit down and recite the entire Ramraksha in one go and to be able to talk about India’s history, culture and religion with ease. I would like to be that too!! Yes Yes I want to have my belly button pierced one day – post babies and when my tummy is flat like an iron board :) Anyways I am rambling and rambling…………what I feel at the end of the day is – this life is so precious, there are so many things in life of which we are completely ignorant of, instead of wasting this valuable time that we have, why don’t we all try to learn something new, read something new, help someone new and when we look back at our life ten, twenty, fifty, seventy years from now, be insanely proud of how we have lived it?
Now I need to practice what I preach so I will stop here and work :)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Random
1) Snobby girl who ignored me during volleyball is at it again. Unfortunately we got paired up for a volunteering event and before I could walk over and request a different partner, she had switched me before me. War is on babe!
2) I am going to India!!!! Tickets are booked, daydreaming and actual dreaming at night (Yes, I have India dreams every night now!!) has commenced.....am counting down the days!!
3) Renewed relationship with mother in law. Distant yet respectful and (gasp) affectionate one.
4) Blog is making me anti social, feel like posting updates on blog than sending emails to family.
5) Looking forward to meeting in person my gay best friend who came out to me over phone.
6)............will stop here and write a nice email to family.
2) I am going to India!!!! Tickets are booked, daydreaming and actual dreaming at night (Yes, I have India dreams every night now!!) has commenced.....am counting down the days!!
3) Renewed relationship with mother in law. Distant yet respectful and (gasp) affectionate one.
4) Blog is making me anti social, feel like posting updates on blog than sending emails to family.
5) Looking forward to meeting in person my gay best friend who came out to me over phone.
6)............will stop here and write a nice email to family.
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