Saturday, October 31, 2009

Life throws a curveball

Tickets to India - check
Friends and family notified and everyone in the world excited - check
Good seats, good airline - check
3 weeks vacation sanctioned - check
Shopping complete, bags half packed, racked brains for surprises to open on plane to entertain R - check, check, check
Daydreaming begun - check
Plans to eat this, shop that, meet so and so - check
Obgyn appointment before leaving - check
And then.................
Ob Gyn absolutely forbids me to travel during first trimester :((((((((((

I met with her yesterday and she is damn serious about travelling, she just put her foot down and said No. I was SO crushed!! I kept telling her, but I was supposed to leave in a week, I have bought gifts, my whole family is excited and what not.......pleading like a little girl for a toy or to go to a sleep over and she firmly said - Are you going for a wedding or becoz some one is sick? Then why do you want to take this big risk and travel! Go after Dec so and so, I wont stop you....It makes logical sense but not emotional sense.

I was already in India mentally - everytime I book India tickets, I reach India mentally 2 weeks before my actual physical departure date. Why cant everything be smooth and perfect :(((

Now I am arguing with my ticket agent to get my tickets refunded without penalty (the doctor has given me a note medically forbidding me to travel). I have to make up some reason to tell my boss for cancelling my much awaited vacation. I am in the process of being offered a full time opportunity within my company and I am not sure I want my new boss to know about my early pregnancy, am not sure if she will change her mind and make excuses about my promotion. She was going to pull strings to get me into her group :((

I was 143 pounds the day before I delivered R; 3 years later, I am 141 pounds right now at 2 months pregnancy!!!!! The skinny fit me got gestational diabetes to the surprise of everyone during my first pregnancy, is there even any doubt that I will not get it now :(

I was so looking forward to going to my parents place from the airport directly and spending the bulk of my time with them (justified becoz we spent many many months with the inlaws this year). My husband keeps saying lets all try to go around the end of this year but then I lose out on that quiet uninhibited stay at my parents :((

One minute you think you have all your ducks in a row and the next they are all floating away in thousand directions :(

I know people are facing much much worse problems than this and at the end of the day, I do have some great things working out for me - I am pregnant and I am being offered a new job and that too being invited to join the group. I should look at the sunny side of things and hope that I do get to go to India soon!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wake up call

So today I had a chat with my boss. Basically she told me that I don’t care about my job anymore and it shows. Even as I type this, I realize my arrogance and ridiculous attitude. I am behaving like a spoilt child who doesn’t get his favorite toy. Because the next step in my career is no longer very clear to me, I have stopped caring about my current step. I realize my immaturity. Hasn’t someone said no job is insignificant? I should take pride in my work not think about where my single colleagues have reached and lament over the difference in responsibilities, titles and grade levels. They have their priorities, I have my own. I have a beautiful child, another on the way, a loving husband and a beautiful home. I am super lucky to have the ability to manage my work life wonderfully. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I need to take a reality check of the situation. This is a wake up call for me. I asked her if she would put me in the lowest performance ranking and she said No. That is a close warning for me. I do not want to be laid off and sit at home, that’s not me. I want to be out here working outside the house and getting somewhere with my professional life over the next 5-10-15 years and Oh yes, I would love to spend time with my family and run my house too in the same time. I have that chance now, and I have a new chance to change myself…So I will step it up from right now.
1) Be patient and do a great job in your current role
2) Do not get depressed about the lack of opportunities and where your career is headed
3) Many senior leaders have said that their career wasn’t always planned but opportunities kept coming up and they grabbed them
4) Focus on your current job, go above and beyond and do a great job and recognition and opportunities will follow
5) Time spent with your kids and husband and home is priceless and nothing can compare to the satisfaction and fulfillment you receive through doing a good job there.

Monday, October 12, 2009

A Runner's high without running

So yesterday I pried my eyes open (sleep hangover from partying out on Saturday) and boarded the 6 AM train to the city. The train was surprisingly packed, with enthusiastic family members and friends and volunteers on their way to cheer their loved ones running in the marathon. As I walked out of the station, I was astonished to see the crowds lined up by the streets to see the runners! Its an amazing emotion when so many people come together to celebrate a common event. I stood with hundreds as the elite runners zoomed past...For a second I thought I had just imagined them running as they sped by so fast!! I dont know how some one can run 26.2 miles in 2 hours 5 minutes, its ridiculously unbelievable, especially when I wasnt even done running my half marathon in that time.

Before the elite runners the wheel chair athletes went by. I literally choked and couldnt hold back my tears. The awesome men and women, who could so easily have sat around and felt sorry for themselves, but instead they were here, in freezing temperatures, participating in the Chicago marathon. I felt ashamed of standing on my two feet stressing over stupid things in life. Clearly we do not stop and think about what we have as opposed to what we don't.

The volunteering bit was good too, it was my first experience at volunteering for an event and I walked away with 2 thoughts. I have to establish boundaries, if I wanted to help out for X hours and then head back home, then I should stick to it, make it clear from the upfront and not regret later on being sucked into helping out more and more; there is no limit to how much you can do. Also secondly when you are volunteering you do not think about returns on investment, you do not think about appreciation or whether someone will credit you for what you did. You just do it. In a way you do do it for yourself, to give a sense of satisfaction for having done something for someone else completely selflessly. Thats a good feeling to have.

There was also a 69 year old man who successfully finished the marathon!! Amazing people, inspirational stories, I walked away from my day with a high; a runner's high without running...

Monday, October 5, 2009

How How How...

How is it that just minutes after I have given my toddler a lecture on why she shouldn’t be waking up in the wee hours of the morning to drink milk, I am immediately starving and think about going downstairs for a little snack?

How is it that my boss wants every deliverable completed asap always (no matter how many I am working on) and she won’t extend my hours or increase my pay?

How is it that I need to go “above and beyond” both at work and at home with no expectation of anything in return?

How is it that I am reading the Ramaraksha for my baby to sleep calmly and peacefully and all through it, I yell at her at least once or twice to stop monkeying around and lie down and close her eyes?

How is it that it doesn’t feel good when my husband agrees with me on issues with his parents and I end up feeling bad for him and wishing I had never brought up the topic?

How is it that some people wish for a daughter like me while the one who has me wishes I were some one else’s daughter in law?

How is it that people have so many good things in their life and choose to only focus and obsess on the negatives?