R Chronicles

R's doctor wants an urine sample - the last two times she couldnt pee in the doctor's office - shy bladder syndrome :) So today morning I filled a bottle when she was peeing

R: Mommy, is the doctor going to drink my pee?
Me: Horrified and grossed out - No beta she is going to do some tests
R: Oh, she is just going to taste it?

Hahahaaa...........

Love thy neighbor...

Saturday night, our neighbors had a party. Their guests were chatting around a fire in the backyard late into the night. Yes, its all fine and dandy and Oh so much fun but there were one a beer too many and the chatting wasnt exactly chatting with interspersed break out of laughter. It was LOUD talking and laughing! And it went on till about three thirty in the morning.

It was such a warm night, not exactly requiring an AC but a "throw the windows open and sleep" kinda night and No, we couldnt do that. Because then the noise was even louder as they sat right outside our bedroom window. I seriously have no patience for this kind of a thing now, Yes, you can stay up all night chatting but move it inside the house for Gods sake! Is there such a thing as courtesy for your neighbors. Our other neighbor had called the cops on them to break up their party last time. So anyways so at three, I marched downstairs and put the kitchen lights on and glared at them through my windows and when one of them waved back, I did my best "Angry model on the catwalk" walk and made myself a snack and went back to bed. The noise quieted down (thankfully) after and P and I fell asleep finally!

I am officially old at the age of 33. I can no longer sleep through everything, there was a time when I slept through earthquakes, other people's babies crying, TV on loud and what not. Now I need an excuse to toss restlessly at night. Maybe its because I am pregnant...

Anyways I was determined to tell her off the next morning. On Sunday morning I was gardening in my backyard and out she came. I had a severe attack of Chickenatitis and I pretended not to see her and retreated to my front yard. P is clearly the brave one in our family, he stood his ground and merrily watered the flowers and chatted with her and when asked if they disturbed us last night, said "Yes, we were up most of the night, S couldnt sleep and was miserable and could they please try to be more understanding next time". She sent over a plant to me as a peace offering :)

Alls forgiven with the bribe now :) They have another party coming up in two weeks and hopefully they will behave. Or we will just have to crash their party and partake some of the beer.

Stress, Nightmare and J Lahiri

I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday and stressed about many things - Will a nanny be negligent and kill my poor infant baby, Should I quit my job and stay home till the baby grows up, Will I be laid off soon and not have to make that decision myself?, I dont want to stop working, who will give me a job when I am ready to enter the workforce again, Will R adjust to her new preschool, Will my baby be healthy and the rest of my pregnancy smooth? After all these unproductive worries, I woke up P and he sleepily murmured some comforting words and solutions and I finally could sleep again.

Then I had a nightmare. I was dead, P had remarried to a girl much younger than me, my bhoot (ghost) was watching their conversation, she was asking P if she could take my sarees. I screamed No...Wth, where did this come from? Then I remembered this is inspired from Jhumpa Lahiri's book that I had just finished reading - Unaccustomed Earth. In one of the stories, a boy's mother passes away and his Dad remarries etc and he is uncomfortable to see another woman in her mother's domain etc...All of Jhumpa Lahiri's books end on depressing notes. Even though I like them, I cant completely identify, because neither have I moved here thirty years ago to identify with the older immigrant ladies in the story nor have I been brought up in the US to identify with the kids. But they are interesting reads anyways...

P found my nightmare very entertaining; he said your biggest concern if you were dead and I had a new wife is your sarees? And I am not even really attached to my sarees or my shoes or my purses or my clothes :) Except when someone wants to borrow them, someone who is not from my inner circle of trust and love ;)

No real point to this post...

Pre partum depression

I wonder if there is anything as pre partum depression like post partum depression. I was crying my eyes out yesterday too over the whole diet karo-maintain weight-diabetes (my glucose levels are borderline right now and are very much indicative of gestational diabetes when I get tested for it); my parents spent time cheering me up. And today its the same story. I want to run away somewhere and chill. I am so tired of this BS.

I had a busy day at work today, came home, made rotis, subzi, salad, cut mangoes. R threw multiple tantrums all evening. Nowadays she is perfecting the art of opening her mouth the widest she can, and screaming with all her might. I am sure she is imitating someone from her daycare and whatever it is, its not funny. Especially nowadays I literally feel like slapping her.

When I was in the kitchen, P and she were outside, he mowing the lawn, she traipsing about the yard. So I thought she must have had fun. After cooking I walked on the damn treadmill - fast walking for 24 minutes. Then sat down for dinner and another of R's tantrums - stupid coughing and saying everything is spicy. She barely ate one roti when I gave up, turned Dora on the TV for her and let her be.

P had to rush out for some stupid property work. He has an Uncle who is a bachelor and has a sole hobby/obsession in life to buy and rent properties. We have also rented out our old home and its not easy, when a renter leaves, P turns sulky and tense until we get another renter. Dishwasher change karo, so research for it, visit the store hundreds of times, look for deals, call for installation, stupid waste of time. Especially when I would rather have him at home eating dinner with me.

I no longer have any friends that I can call at any time of the day or night to talk. I dont know how I got to this juncture. There was a time when I could call either of my best friends and they would be available to listen, comfort, soothe. Now one best friend hardly has any time for me - she has her own issues to deal with and the other is swamped too. Everyone is so busy, engulfed in their own families and stress. I wait for morning to set in India and to call the two people who are never busy for me, my parents.

Finally at the end of the day, as I always used to preach and judge other unhappy people, happiness is within you and I shouldnt be looking at others to make me happy. I need to shake off my blues and be happy and peaceful. After all you come into this world alone and will go from it alone.