Pre partum depression

I wonder if there is anything as pre partum depression like post partum depression. I was crying my eyes out yesterday too over the whole diet karo-maintain weight-diabetes (my glucose levels are borderline right now and are very much indicative of gestational diabetes when I get tested for it); my parents spent time cheering me up. And today its the same story. I want to run away somewhere and chill. I am so tired of this BS.

I had a busy day at work today, came home, made rotis, subzi, salad, cut mangoes. R threw multiple tantrums all evening. Nowadays she is perfecting the art of opening her mouth the widest she can, and screaming with all her might. I am sure she is imitating someone from her daycare and whatever it is, its not funny. Especially nowadays I literally feel like slapping her.

When I was in the kitchen, P and she were outside, he mowing the lawn, she traipsing about the yard. So I thought she must have had fun. After cooking I walked on the damn treadmill - fast walking for 24 minutes. Then sat down for dinner and another of R's tantrums - stupid coughing and saying everything is spicy. She barely ate one roti when I gave up, turned Dora on the TV for her and let her be.

P had to rush out for some stupid property work. He has an Uncle who is a bachelor and has a sole hobby/obsession in life to buy and rent properties. We have also rented out our old home and its not easy, when a renter leaves, P turns sulky and tense until we get another renter. Dishwasher change karo, so research for it, visit the store hundreds of times, look for deals, call for installation, stupid waste of time. Especially when I would rather have him at home eating dinner with me.

I no longer have any friends that I can call at any time of the day or night to talk. I dont know how I got to this juncture. There was a time when I could call either of my best friends and they would be available to listen, comfort, soothe. Now one best friend hardly has any time for me - she has her own issues to deal with and the other is swamped too. Everyone is so busy, engulfed in their own families and stress. I wait for morning to set in India and to call the two people who are never busy for me, my parents.

Finally at the end of the day, as I always used to preach and judge other unhappy people, happiness is within you and I shouldnt be looking at others to make me happy. I need to shake off my blues and be happy and peaceful. After all you come into this world alone and will go from it alone.