Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Pre partum depression

I wonder if there is anything as pre partum depression like post partum depression. I was crying my eyes out yesterday too over the whole diet karo-maintain weight-diabetes (my glucose levels are borderline right now and are very much indicative of gestational diabetes when I get tested for it); my parents spent time cheering me up. And today its the same story. I want to run away somewhere and chill. I am so tired of this BS.

I had a busy day at work today, came home, made rotis, subzi, salad, cut mangoes. R threw multiple tantrums all evening. Nowadays she is perfecting the art of opening her mouth the widest she can, and screaming with all her might. I am sure she is imitating someone from her daycare and whatever it is, its not funny. Especially nowadays I literally feel like slapping her.

When I was in the kitchen, P and she were outside, he mowing the lawn, she traipsing about the yard. So I thought she must have had fun. After cooking I walked on the damn treadmill - fast walking for 24 minutes. Then sat down for dinner and another of R's tantrums - stupid coughing and saying everything is spicy. She barely ate one roti when I gave up, turned Dora on the TV for her and let her be.

P had to rush out for some stupid property work. He has an Uncle who is a bachelor and has a sole hobby/obsession in life to buy and rent properties. We have also rented out our old home and its not easy, when a renter leaves, P turns sulky and tense until we get another renter. Dishwasher change karo, so research for it, visit the store hundreds of times, look for deals, call for installation, stupid waste of time. Especially when I would rather have him at home eating dinner with me.

I no longer have any friends that I can call at any time of the day or night to talk. I dont know how I got to this juncture. There was a time when I could call either of my best friends and they would be available to listen, comfort, soothe. Now one best friend hardly has any time for me - she has her own issues to deal with and the other is swamped too. Everyone is so busy, engulfed in their own families and stress. I wait for morning to set in India and to call the two people who are never busy for me, my parents.

Finally at the end of the day, as I always used to preach and judge other unhappy people, happiness is within you and I shouldnt be looking at others to make me happy. I need to shake off my blues and be happy and peaceful. After all you come into this world alone and will go from it alone.


  1. Well said Sonia .. its all within us. Only that the cloud of boredom etc.. makes us forget the same.
    U can always rant out here. We r there to read and hope we make u feel better :)
    Hv a nice day ahead :)

  2. Yes, thats what it was - venting really. I do feel much better now. Thanks :)

  3. Hope blogging about it helps! Hugs to you...hope you feel better soon.

  4. Hi this is whiny mom...

    First time commenter, I can so relate to you regarding friends and i so feel like iv got no one. now bloggin is my way to vent. i hope u feel better soon

  5. Titaxy, blogging does help :) My own personal psyciatrist :) Thanks

    Whinymom :)) I like your name..its true, sometimes when you vent out into the virtual world it does take things off your chest.As we grow up, time becomes a rare commodity, especially with young kids na, I think in my mind I am still back in India in school when I would be surrounded by friends 24/7. Now I have realised I have a best friend right at home, my dearest hubby..I do feel a lot better now :)

  6. I no longer have any friends that I can call at any time of the day or night to talk. I dont know how I got to this juncture. There was a time when I could call either of my best friends and they would be available to listen, comfort, soothe.

    Blogging itself helps you get out of that, doesn't it? :-) Hope you're feeling better now.

  7. Hey..hopping after a long time...kids r doing better now, but work is hectic..hmmm, true that we should not look at others to make us happy. We should find it within one self, but that at time gets so difficult. Anyways weill call ya today. Love and Hugs. N

  8. Chinkurli, Yes absolutely true, as soon as I had finished my sulky vent session, I felt better :)
    Nids, Thanks sweetie, it was so nice to talk to you, dont worry, aal izz well now...photu dekhey kya?

  9. whine, crib, vent...if u can get away with it , beat up the hubby...all will be forgiven, u r pregnant and ur hormones are all over the place...so all will be forgiven in the end...later on u can do the same thing and blame periods..life is good being a woman, so enjoy it..for all the crap nature has bestowed upon u, u are also armed with the best 'get out of jail free card' :) take care of urself..

  10. Haha Tys funny guy! We do get many get out of jail cards but believe me no sympathy for periods and such...My husband rolls his eyes and says most heartlessly - How come you have not learnt how to handle it by now :))