Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I dont want to forget....

- the giddy happiness when I first saw the two pink lines on the pregnancy test.
- the feeling of relief when the initial blood test results come out normal
- the first feeling of movement inside my tummy (I cant believe I find that fascinating now, there was a time when as a teenager, the concept of anyone gushing over a baby inside a tummy sounded alien and weird to me)
- the first kick
- the excitement and anticipation when the nurse announces - you are ready, start pushing...
- the final push and the sudden drop in weight/pressure
- the choking-I cant breathe-should I smile or should I cry-overwhelmed with emotions moment when they hand the baby to you - this is my baby and she is an independent person now
- the soft soft cheeks against your own
- the little warm bundle
- the wrinkled, webbed, tiny, pink baby
- marvelling at how she fills out her body in a matter of weeks
- sweet baby breath
- the way she gazes at me intently with those beautiful beautiful eyes
- to hold that sweet sweet baby close to you, to kiss her soft hair, to hear her breathing and to keep hugging her

This is my last baby and I want to hold on, hold on to these early special days with a newborn infant. They grow up so quick and before you know it, these days fade into distant memories.

I find nowadays that I cant conjure up the exact emotions I felt at important occasions in my life or maybe I felt they were important at those times and they really werent. Which makes for an interesting experiment in your life - look back and think about which occurences can bring the same reaction to you even now and if you cant, then it wasnt really that valuable. For example - my CA results, I remember how all of us friends gathered around to view the results and then thats it, no matter how much I try, I cant bring up the reaction of the happiness I felt when I passed. I feel nothing now.

On the other hand, if I even think about my grandmother's death, and remember how I woke up early morning with my brother telling me about it over the phone, tears immediately spring to my eyes, even now, after 9 years. Same about my best friend's dad; there is a dull ache in my heart when I recall the day(s).

My wedding night, I can still smile at the memory and fall in love with P all over again, even after ten years.

Maybe this is what life is telling me, do not stress over the things which really dont matter so much....For now, I am just happy - plain and simple. Thank you God!! Happy Diwali to all of you and hope the rest of the year brings peace and happiness to all of you.


  1. So very happy to see your post, Sonia. Treasure the moments and enjoy. HAppy Diwali to you and your family.

  2. Such a feelgood post Sonia :)
    Wishing u all a very happy Diwali :)

  3. Thanks Titaxy and Swaru...Happy Diwali to you too!

  4. I appreciate your post sonia, thanks for sharing the post, i want to hear more about this in future
    happy diwali

  5. dont think about my grandmother's death sonia.
    congrates to you for your kid. nice story i like your post. i wish great and lucky life for your kid in future.
    Atishay jain

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