Affair with a married man all over again

This relationship that I have with my birth father screams "An affair with a married man" over and over. He had said he was free his morning, my night so I called him up dutifully. The first time I called, an automated voice lady told me in three languages that I was in Q and do not hang up. The second time I called, it instantly said "Your call could not be completed". He had asked me to call him when he would be home in Pune only because his wife was in Singapore visiting their daughter. So what has happened? His son came home unexpectedly? He had company? He switched off his phone? It makes me extremely angry to keep our contact hush hush. What exactly is he going to do if we meet say in a restaurant in fricking Pune and one of his ardent fans/followers or family members bumps into us. Will he push me under the table or himself hide behind a door until they leave? Should I even allow mysely to be pulled into this cowardly relationship. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Keep me on the side and say he loves me in every email but in reality, not even bring up my name in front of his wife and kids and keep them happy. But why, WHY should I allow someone to treat me like that?

I have a wonderful insanely wonderful father. A man who is not connected by blood to me. Who had a son and a daughter of his own. Who went out of his way, of his own accord, to repeatedly go ask his mother in law to give him custody of me. Who has never differentiated between me and his children. Who has never in his life ever said I was the child of his wife's sister. I was always his child. Everywhere.

Then why should I allow him to treat me this way. I was so looking forward to meeting him on my India trip but for the first time in my life, I feel like saying "Forget it, first muster up courage to own up in front of people about me and then we will see if we should meet".