Monday, August 5, 2013

Imperfect perfection

I am happy to announce that I have finally reached a comfort setting with my mother in law. They are both also making a stepped up attempt to help out this visit. Both my girls can stay home for a month and enjoy their summer time off as my in laws agreed to watch them and spend time with them. For my part I make sure food has been cooked and they are not burdened with other chores and can only play with both girls all day, which sometimes is a big job in itself. I still continue to ignore my mother in law’s obvious advice – an example: keep wet clothes separate from the dry ones otherwise everything will get dirty (when changing my girls at the beach) (I have been married for 13 years and we have taken countless beach vacations and I am by nature very organized and handy). I do realize that it’s her inherent nature; she just has to give advice all the time. I don’t think that she even stops to think about the nature of the advice and her audience. It pops in her head and out her mouth. And I ignore, don’t even respond but carry on to other things. We have found our comfort setting and I am so grateful for it.

As I grow older, I have also realized that one shouldn’t insist on any perfection. Is anything perfect in life? Every seemingly perfect image has some adjustment. So this is perfect for me – my kids are happy, my in laws seem happy and I am happy and at peace and by default due to all this, my husband is happy. What more do I want?

My birth father has stopped being in touch. I am sure he is extremely busy and hasn’t gotten to his email. But he has a phone and my numbers and can easily afford international calls. But I have grudgingly accepted the truth – I do not matter to him. I matter to him when he is free and has free time on his hands. He will not put me on his priority list of people while I have put him right up there next to my parents. Time to reshuffle the priority listing. Again is this a perfect ending? No. But I will take it. I got to know my birth father, I appreciate my adopted one a zillion times more, I know God is watching out for me every step of my way, I cannot express my gratitude enough for blessing me with such fantabulous parents. I stand strong today because of their arms which have held me up.

Things are super hectic at work with looming deadlines. At home, both girls are home and a nephew is going to visit for a week. Between work and home and making sure everyone on both fronts are happy, the stress gets to me some days. But I am actively reminding myself of how blessed I am and shake it off and go about doing the things that need to be done with a smile.

One of my friends is due with her first child any day. And she got the worst news that any child would dread to ever hear – her mother passed away. You always need your mother but you need her critically at critical moments in life. I feel that having a child is one of those. I knew she is scared and had kept saying that she wouldn’t be able to do it without her mother and now she has no choice. Life is so cruel. This friend also lost her young brother in an accident. I sat at my desk, tears streaming down my cheeks, in shock. I don’t know why some people have to face so much injustice and so much cruelty in life.

It also brought a renewed round of gratitude and realization for how blessed I am. Whatever little annoying attributes my mother in law has, one thing is for sure;she loves all of us whole heartedly. And she is my husband’s mother and they love each other. Only for that everything else is acceptable.

Hug your kids, your spouse, your significant other, your parents, your siblings, your best friends, even your colleagues, your mailman, your nosy neighbors – be grateful, stay blessed.

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