Monday, September 20, 2010

Letter to myself

Dear Sonia,

Next time you and P get into an argument or get mad at each other, remember not to try to give him the silent treatment, its not going to work, you will not win, you will just torture yourself for many hours during which you can cry/sit with a Meena Kumari look on your face or try to starve yourself and none of these things will register on him because he will go into super ice cold stubborn - eyes and ears closed mode.

Next time it will be better if you yell and end the fight in five seconds flat and spare yourself the agony.

Remember genes - its very very very hard to shrug off genetic inheritance and upbringing. All the things that you do not like in your in laws are transferred to your husband, its his default setting so try to be more accomodating and understanding. Any change takes time.

You are a positive person, one who has always been told and taught by your parents that "Happiness comes from within, one cannot always look for situations/people to make oneself happy" so remember that and always keep the big picture in mind.

The truth is that P, no matter how dense and stubborn he may seem at times loves you to death. He will not be able to function for a minute without you. He might not communicate his love but it is evident in his own way. Please accept that you do not have a romantic gushy husband who will verbally proclaim his love for you. But you have a husband who will stand by your side no matter what and hold your hand (i.e. if you dont let go first, if you do, then its back to sulk master and dont expect him to even try to coax you back etc, so dont try that, he will live in misery for a lifetime but will not abandon his ego/self esteem issues to manvofy you, understand and accept).

Set aside the petty/silly things which are so common to any marriage, a result of two people, man and woman staying together and bickering sometimes. Look at the big picture and you will realise what you have is awesome! Love, respect, admiration, moral support and loyalty is all there, open your eyes and look when its fight time..

Dont freak out over remote possibilities in the future. You will find a way, you will find a way together.

So the next time you feel the urge to weep over silly arguments like a newly married drama queen, pull up this post and chill.


  1. I like the positivity here :) many hugs Sonia!

  2. Titaxy: Thanks :)) And where are you Madam?? Missing from your blog :(

  3. Yay! Thatz the spirit :) Me likes :)

  4. Hey!...Nice to see your comments.. & what a coincidence !..Since ystday I wanted to comment on your posts but I kept it on pending..neways!

    Your hubby is ekdum Normal re..maybe he is not romantic kind of guy but he is man enough not to torture you, cheat you etc etc..
    And ending the fight by behaving normal without discussing abt it is his way of saying "I don't want to give anymore trouble..I forgave you..hopefully you will forgive me too"..

  5. Thanks Swar :)
    Prasad: So you mean, I shouldnt expect half an hour analysis and discussion on the fight :( ;)

  6. Of course you should.. but not immediately..Maybe after few will give you enough time to prepare for the discussion as well ....

  7. so going by genetic inheritance, did you inherit all the qualties of your birth mom?
    Count your blessings and stop the drama, mama

  8. Anon :))I feel that sometimes when I look back and get ashamed at my drama queen reactions; its funny how you turn into your parents at some point of time or the other...

  9. Sorry didnt mean to be so blunt. I have learnt that very often what we hate in others is what we hate in ourselves.BTW does your hubby read the blog or is he not even aware you have one.
    Good Luck with the baby.

  10. Helllo,

    I new to following people, I read your blog, enjoyed this post and decided to comment. Like someone said your husband is a regular guy, just like yourself he's human. I'm only 24, I know nothing about being married, but for the past three years I've been in a long distant relationship. The first two years all we did was argue we couldn't agree on anything, being away in college didn't help either. When we argued my girlfriend would cry and I like your husband would give her the silent treatment. I say all that to say no one's gonna love you like he does and vise versa, along with other things that's the reason you guys married. Like you said we become our parents the worst times(like during arguments), but at that time we have to stop and think of the possible outcomes. If you're tired of the same outcome then so is he.

  11. Prasad: P has changed over the years and he does indulge in half hour discussion sessions nowadays becoz he knows its important to me :)
    Anon: I dont think my husband is aware of my blog unless he has figured it out - I am not exactly very tech savvy or careful about hiding links and windows etc....but this is my space to write and I dont want anyone in real life to know about it, makes it easier for me to be honest - to myself!
    Fly Society: I know yaar, P is very normal, its the whole individualistic differences I think..that is why opposites attract, for all I rag him, I dont think I would have liked a super emotional husband who clings on to me all the time :)

  12. lol

    i am like ur P. i don't manaaofy. i go into ice-cold stubbornness. pavan has to come around beg me to maano even if he is the one supposed to be mad at me. lol