Monday, February 21, 2011

The big fight

My dear babies S and R,

Its entirely because of you that I am a stronger person today. I am career focused and want to find a good job. I want to earn good money and be able to provide good things for you. I am involved in your day to day activities and want to make sure you get everything you need - my time, my attention, my love, my money....Its also because of you both that when things get tough between me and Daddy (solely because of his parents, we have no other issues between us and love each other dearly otherwise), I do not run away.

It would have been so tempting to pack my bags and go away and teach him (and them) a lesson, to find out for ourselves if we can survive without each other. But its you both who stop me.

I have given birth to you and its my duty and responsibility to ensure that you have a happy childhood, a happy home, loving parents and you both grow up to be strong and independent and sensitive women. Remember this forever, I hope to God that when you are grown up, you never compromise on who you are and what you can be, because of someone else. I have stood strong so that I can give you both strength.

Remember never ever to sacrifice your life for hypothetically making someone else happy. Its not worth it. Remember never to think you owe something to someone just merely by the fact that they are older than you. If they have had double the amount of time as you on this earth and every single one of your interactions have been selfish on their part, you owe them nothing. Remember to be good and fair and loving but focus on what you need out of life. And you can never ever make someone else happy if they choose not to be. I hope you grow up knowing gratitude and satisfaction. Remember to express both in all situations. Remember to be thankful for all the good things and people you have in your life and to let go and free yourself of all the other painful elements. All those sayings about how gold gets brighter after it has been through a fire, understand what it means. Dont think it means you should stay put in a sucky situation and be meek and put your head down and chupchap tolerate unpleasantness inflicted by someone else and slowly rot away inside and turn into some person which is not you. I never want you to look back on your life and go "I wish I wouldnt have wasted away my life like this".Take it to mean to work hard for the relationships, the career, the hobbies, the love that is worth it, that is enriching and uplifting and which makes you a better person.

Daddy and I have that love, my darlings. And we still are holding each other's hands strongly and we will not let go. Without sounding like I am tooting my own horn, I want you to know that every single relationship that I have had since I was a child, has been complete and beautiful. My parents think I am a wonderful daughter, my siblings love me to death and vice versa, my best friends and me share an awesome "I got your back" relationship, my birth mom, my extended family, everyone I meet, my colleagues - no complaints anywhere but there are two people (and maybe my sister in law, but who knows what she thinks) that are constantly disappointed in me. And for whom I refuse to bend over and kill myself inside and turn into that person that would make them happy. I refuse to compromise my relationship with my husband and the happiness in my babies's childhood just to cater to their whims and fancies. And for that I gladly accept"the world's worst bahu" label and sermons on how I should be a better daughter in law from third parties. I am willing to take that over everything else...

Stay strong, stay beautiful, stay sweet, stay loving, be compassionate, have empathy, have a great career, have hobbies, enjoy your life, love and be loved and also sacrifice and compromise but in moderation. Love you my sweeties.

Your Mommy

1 comment:

  1. I have stood strong so that I can give you both strength. - Awwww! Such a heartfelt post from a Mom and I loved this line esp.

    Hugs Sonia! Stay this strong and beautiful woman always :) Some labels are always difficult to earn/ let go ;) ;)