Thursday, May 26, 2011

Random things

I talked to Dad everyday for almost a week when he was traveling. It so worked out that he was out of town on his birthday too so I could wish him on his birthday. It was very very nice. Made us even closer, made me trust him and love him even more.

I had never in my life thought about how life would have been if my birth mother would never have gotten divorced etc. Because I was content in my life with my family - when I was in Mumbai, I could pretend I was not the child of divorced parents, I was a part of a healthy normal happy family. So I never imagined hypothetical situations until now....After getting to know my Dad, I see both of them individually and think about how awesome they would have been together. They started out as a great match for each other and then it was cut short cruely. What happened, could it have been avoided, who was at fault here? Who knows? Sometimes I think destiny dictates behavior? Sometimes even though it might seem like you are this close to breaking up or falling out, you magically hold on somehow and get through the storm. And sometimes it doesnt take much to break apart.

I had never asked any of my family anything about the divorce. I asked my Dad all the questions I had and I am grateful to him for answering every single of my questions. He told me the facts, didnt get into details or blame anyone or defend himself. They were together for 3-4 months after which my grandma took her away. He didnt talk about what was so bad that she had to leave. I dont know if he clearly knows. My parents dont know. One person can tell me but I dont dare ask her. And then why does it matter now, after all these years. They have all moved on, atleast on the surface of things. I have my own theory but it doesnt matter anymore..

I am truly blessed though. Things could have gone horribly wrong for me, every step I took could have led me to a different destination, but somehow everything turned out right for me. Just for that I will try not to crib/whine about routine stresses or worries from now on. God has been with me, watched me and done whats best for me on the bigger milestones of my life. I should look at the bigger picture and not sigh over the smaller obstacles.

I have booked tickets to travel to India in Dec. I told him about it, I will not ask to meet. Its his decision. I had brought up the topic a couple of times before and everytime he seemed hesitant, said that he wants everyone to be happy with our reunion and we should be patient. What is the motivation for his family to get excited about me? He will not bring up the topic or discuss any of his feelings with them, they do not ask questions, life goes on as usual. Who likes to stir up drama in their smooth life? Why would they bend over backwards and accept this additional member into their family? I can think of many reasons as to why not? But there are equal reasons to why should they? So I will not press on that matter. When the day comes, that he cannot bear the thought of not meeting me, when I am in the same city, he will take the steps required to make sure his wife and kids are happy and welcoming.

I am going to meet G :) Anyone else around to meet in Pune? :)

7 comments:

  1. :) So happy that you've talked to him and things are falling into place, Sonia. Meeting can wait for the right time, I guess, when both of you are comfortable enough.

    Love hos positively you've written this post. :)

    And India in Dec sounds like fun :D and yay to meeting G :)

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  2. See few months ago, you weren't even sure he would respond to your FB request, you should be very very happy that you are able to talk. Waw you going to India, I pray you get an opportunity to meet him in person.

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  3. Kudos to your positive attitude Sonia. YOu are one strong person!
    And yay!! one more time
    :)

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  4. Oh wow u guys are meeting! Aweeeesome!
    Y dnt u plan a trip to Hyd too ;) ;)

    Luvvv that things r gng well for u Sonia! Hugs :)

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  5. Thanks Titaxy :) Its true, I will not push to meet. Its a big big step!
    Seena, how true, P always reminds me of what I started with - that I just wanted to say Hello to each other.
    G - Yaay, I will send you an email soon.
    Swaram - I wish I could come to Hyd and meet you in person! I have never seen a more smiling person than you!

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