Yesterday I crashed on the sofa after work...I thought I would feel better after eating dinner but nearly passed out in the bathroom so as I sat sobbing on the bed - thoroughly annoyed by my exhaustion, I pleaded with P to get the envelope with the baby's gender written in it. Flashback - we had decided to not find out the gender of the baby and keep it a surprise. Then at the last minute, I lost my resolve and asked the ultrasound technician to write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. P knows how bad I am with keeping secrets so he had hidden it away somewhere safely...
So back to story - I just wanted one less thing unknown about the future so P got the envelope, we asked R to read the note. Poor girl told us sincerely "But Mommy, I cant read". We said Its okay, just read the alphabets one at a time. She started with G.......and the rest is history. We are gonna have two girls (R and the baby, not twins)!!!
P was completely fine while I actually sat there and for a moment felt like I had failed something. I am still so embarassed and shocked at myself; its so unreal. Why would I ever even think like that? But anyways his mother, my birth mom, his aunts were all counting on a boy and I knew they would all be disappointed when we give them the news. Then I panicked and thought if I could be able to love another girl as much as I loved R. After all illogical thoughts and worries zoomed by, I relaxed and I am actually much much calmer now.
I feel like I can do this. This seems like a familiar road. We are already set on all the clothes and other accessories. Granted this baby will be a unique individual, I feel like we can definitely leverage our lessons learnt from R. I have already started dreaming about redecorating R's room, buying doll houses and such. The sisters growing up, maybe hating each other but then becoming best friends as they grow older. I have a brother and a sister and while I cannot say who I would pick if I had the choice to have only one sibling, I still feel that girls who dont have sisters yearn for one all their life.
So thats it - its another baby girl :)))
Oh and my birth mom did say to me that she was hoping for a boy so the picture would be complete and we would have a model family - Oh sigh....my family is picture perfect anyways with a wonderful husband and two healthy girls - what more could I want? :)