Monday, March 7, 2011

Seen and ignored...

I think this is my time to face rejection - Its "Apply apply no reply" for my job interview applications and I am pretty sure my birth father has looked at my email and ignored it. How do I know? Because I remember the last activity on his wall and I checked now, after a couple of days and there is new activity - adding new friends etc. So very good chance of his having read my message.

Well, the message is clear to me too now. He does not care and never has. Its good closure for me now. Many times over the last couple of years, I have imagined bumping into him somewhere, us talking, him feeling bad over how things have turned out etc. Now I will stop with the daydreaming. I always gave him the benefit of doubt in my mind that they both must have made mistakes and were not together. At times when I was angry with my birth mom, I would also think that maybe she was the problem and thats why they got divorced etc etc. But now I know, I know my birth mom and she is a genuine human being, full of love and affection and respect and regard for others. I know him from our one way interaction and know that he doesnt care. So this is the end to this chapter in my life. I will pretend I was never the baby of divorced parents.

I told P over the weekend and was so super glad he understood and supported me. He also thought that my reaching out might relieve my birth father and was confident that he must already be thinking about me all this time. These are the thoughts of an adoring husband and loving father of two girls. I need to tell him not every man is like you honey..

Well, I do feel better I got this done and out of the way and this was an outcome which was very much expected so no broken heart and tears over this. Its my birthday tomorrow and for all my birthdays to come now, I will not think of him.

Thanks to all of you - Tears&Dreams, Nids, Brahma, Tys, Seena, Anon and Comfy for your support and advice. I do believe this makes me a better person - reaching out and facing the rejection :)


  1. Sonia Hugs to you. I am glad that you did it. You have a great husband who understands you.

    On job front, don't worry, you still holding a baby, so don't feel rush to join, I hear market is getting healthier, just relax, I am sure you will find a job soon.


  2. Ohh don't think this as a rejection come on! Move on... See had he talked you could have feared if anyone had known, guilt pangs etc etc.. Had you not done you would have regretted. Now you did and you let him know. And he surely must have given a thought. Do you really think time, efforts and rising/falling BP for these people are worth it? Think you deserve much more... so you have good people around you. Not so many kids that too girls are as lucky as you. You got secure-joyful childhood and now too people love you :)
    Job will come your way too. Let the baby grow up. May be she needs you so you are here. Enjoy time with her. Its no big deal.

  3. how is this a rejection? I think you did what was required. You needed to know. You planted the seeds. Now , just wait. No, iam not saying hope. Iam saying , forget about it.

    you have done your part.

    thanks for your words. i have a cousin who is in the same dilemma as you. She was very close to her father. But once her parents divorced, the father kinda clubbed her mother and her together as being against him. He was a very small but very hurt man. That was his way of hurting back. He got married again to a widow who had a family of her own, whom he considers as his own. His past is dead to him.

    I understand both.

    But i do wish that he was bigger.

  4. Tys: Thanks for sharing that story. I think I can understand a little bit of why he might choose not to reply back. Sad but could happen right..
    Anon: Thanks for reminding me. Yes, I am indeed blessed for having good people in my life. I have moved on now :)
    Seena: Thank you dear. I was just telling P that maybe God intends to delay my job so that I can spend more time with baby S and he said "God has no other work kya than to keep tabs on what you are doing". Paagal husband!