Friday, February 26, 2010

Pray for me

So after a week of my boobs hurting and random nausea waves over random things like R pouring her half finished milk into my cereal bowl or shoving her toothbrush into my hands to finish brushing or wanting me to admire her poo poo (I made 5 and they are all brown in color) yucck!, I finally decided to go buy a pregnancy test and find out for myself. My date of periods missed hasnt come and gone yet so I bought one of those 5 days early pregnancy detection kits and Yess!!! I saw the 2 lines!! I AM PREGNANT!! I called P immediately and he was thrilled - he kept saying "Are you sure?".

After the initial euphoria has died down, the fear came back. What if my blood tests dont show appropriate levels again? What if I have another miscarriage? What if I have to take those progesterone shots again? Good God, they were just horrible!! What if I bleed again? But I have decided to not to be worried, to take each thing as it comes, to stay calm and cool. I had one normal pregnancy and I will definitely have another.

I had taken the longest time to get pregnant with R. Finally I had freaked out and thought we were infertile, never would have a baby etc. Almost ready to embark on a fertility treatment, we conceived naturally. She is a blessing!

I have the utmost admiration, respect and sympathy for all of those who are battling infertility :( My sister being one of them. She has shut off communication with the whole family, refuses to share what she is going through because she cant talk about it, never ever calls us (but she does talk really well and appreciates when we call/visit).....I want to hurry up and have a normal pregnancy and deliver my baby and then I want to ask my darling sister if I can carry their child for them.....Its easier said than done, but I am hoping she will say Yes and I have the courage and the guts and the patience to go through with it. I feel like every couple who wants to have a child deserves one, this happiness should not be denied to anyone who is praying and hoping for it.

But for the timebeing, please pray for me...I have decided to wait till next week to call my doctor and then we will know what my body has in store for me this time around...

*Edited to add*
When I told my best friend who has had infertility issues in the past about my plans to ask my sister, she was appalled saying that if she would have been in my sister's place, she would have been extremely annoyed at the suggestion :) I love having my best friends to put me in place, sometimes well meaning thoughts turn into severe invasions of privacy, dont they. So now I have decided to shut up with my pompous suggestions and if ever in the future, my sister voluntarily tells me that they are considering a surrogate is when I will open my mouth and volunteer for the job. Otherwise I am gonna shut it and just pray for her everyday...

1 comment:

  1. Sending all prayers and positive waves your way, Sonia. Hugs! Best wishes!