Courage

I am paranoid about this pregnancy. Exactly like last time, my tummy and back are hurting, the only symptoms of pregnancy that I have are achy boobs and a slight nausea and tiredness. Achy boobs come and go freaking me out even more. Every morning I wake up and look for the achy boobs or the nausea, the normal symptoms of pregnancy and they reassure me. Sometimes when its just the achy tummy and the back, I get so scared its going to be a repeat telecast of last times. I wonder if your hormones just up and quit as you get older? I had read that lower backache is a sign of low progesterone levels but if an ignorant person like me turns to the internet for answers, there are a hundred symptoms and a hundred causes and you kinda choose your worst fears from them.

I am so very worried about the blood test. I am scared of hearing the same verdict - low HCG, low progesterone. I am scared of the painful progesterone shots. I am scared of having another miscarriage. I am scared my body is never going to create the requisite hormones level ever and every pregnancy attempt will be difficult. I am scared P is going to say "We dont need another kid". I am so tired.

I am going to call my gyne on Monday and just tell her FYI..If she wants me to go in immediately for a blood test, then doodh ka doodh aur paani ka paani ho hi jaayega. If she suggests to wait a few more weeks to see what nature has planned for me, I just have to clear my mind and focus on other things. In any case I need to put my hand on my heart and say "Aal izz well".